Like a bad case of herpes, here comes Ralph again.

Big surprise, Ralph Nader has poked his head up from the gopher hole he lives in between election years and decided we can’t live without his guidance again.

Since Ralph only sees the sun once every four years I think it’s only fair to teach him about the new electric voting machines that have been developed while he was in suspended animation since 2004.

This is how you use them Ralph, all voting information is now stored in toasters. Fill out your paper ballot then place it in the toaster. Plug the toaster in, get in a full bathtub and place it on your stomach. Pressing the side lever will register your vote.

Early voting is allowed so feel free to go vote at once.